Man, I cannot stand not knowing.
Yes, I know. Chicken shit never win in the rat race of life. That's what I deserve for getting cold feet when things were just about to get hot. Have no idea what I'm talking about? Heck, that makes two of us.
Seriously (and I hate being serious), there are few things in life that I actually regret. Okay, so I regret not having been more of a nerd in college, I regret not being sports-inclined earlier in school, I regret not having taken height enhancers before I hit 20 (okay, so that's way too much info). But that's about it. Of course, that's not to say that I make the best decisions. But in events that require you to think and act, you do what you can and stand by what you've done. Regrets are all about losing out in the past.
Heck, I don't even regret the whole BJ episode (yes, you keep on guessing). What's to regret? I definitely learned a LOT of things from that. If life is about to deal you a roundhouse kick to the noggin, you gotta learn how to dodge it a la Neo in The Matrix, or bear the full brunt of its force and just roll with the blow. In any case, you learn.
The point I'm straying from (again) is, what if you regret the future? Or the non-future, as is in this case. (Sappy waters ahead, but don't say I didn't warn yah.)
Just so you know, the gist of this entry is written under the misguided and unlikely notion that I might be saved by this admission of guilt. I think I made an error of regret when I ran away from possibility. Just coz I didn't know better. Chalk it up to the innocence of naivete, chalk it up to the so-called wisdom of being unduly cautious. Whatever the case, that's no excuse coz everything in life is a gamble anyway. And let me tell yah, sitting in the sidelines for far too long is just gonna get you some major butt burns. And that ain't gonna be a pretty sight, nuh-uh.
And the worst thing, I never told him why I had to disappear. And to think I told him way back when that I was all about total and open communication. Pffft. What a fake.
It's been a few months since. To date, I take regret as my daily dose of reality. I don't even have to think about it, or get lost in the same engulfing waters, to know that it's there.
It's just there.
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1 comment:
doggone it. if this is what the haters-with-nothing-better-to-do-with-their-time-than-sit-on-their-collective-ass-making-baseless-presumptions-about-people-who-actualy-have-better-things-to-do were basing their accusations of my imagined kafirun-like behavior on, then my goodness, what is the world coming to.
to the haters out there, not that your life would be better off anyway with the knowledge of this teeny weeny matter of fact, but BJ is a person, not an activity. so sue me if i like employing a little wordplay in my own blog. i have lots of lawyer friends anyway, har har.
and will you stop listening to pervs who have hyperactive imaginations and have nothing better to do with their time than to sit on their collective ass, and so on and so forth. so cliche. check your sources, all right. i'm no showbiz personality; i don't deserve that kind of attention.
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